ohhh Mondays.... :(

What a day it was....
I don't know what's going on inside of my body. I always get (tmi) period cramps - but this is different. Every since my IUI on Thursday, I've felt some sharp pains in my lower abdomen. It's like ovulation pain but worse, and when I walk or move, or sit down it's intense. I'm supposed to go for lab work on Wednesday morning, and they'll call me with the results on Friday - so if I still feel these when they call me on Friday I guess I'll mention it. I know that the medicine I take (Clomid) can cause cysts, but I'd think the Dr would have seen that when he did the IUI... o-well. On a GOOOD note - I have a bird feeder and I LOVE it!!! I've had it forever and usually only get ugly black crow looking birds. Well - I got different food - and I have these AMAZING bright beautiful green birds! They're like parrots but giant! They are sooo stinkin' loud - but I love watching them, and I hope they keep coming back! Except my dog hates them - she barks like crazy. I think because they are so loud. They don't seem to be bothered by her though :)

The Second IUI

So, I'm feeling much better today. Let's tell you how the 1st IUI went. It was easy. It was fast, and not SO painful. Basically, he just went in and slightly opened my cervix (because it had closed) and put in the catheter to inject the little spermies. Simple. Done.
The 2nd IUI however, was very different. First of all, the timing and planning of mine and my husbands work around this appointment was so stressful. It has to be timed absolutely perfect. With the economy the way it is, my husbands work is getting a little slower. (He's a contractor) So he couldn't come to this appointment with me. :( My Mom was more then willing to go with me though. She REALLY wanted to be there... She thinks if the mother/daughter vibes are going on, it's like good luck or something. Hey - I'll take all the luck in the world right? So, I had to go drop off the little swimmers at 8:30, they get washed and go through a process for an hour, and my appointment is at 9:30. So, I just go drive around aimlessly for an hour and meet my Mom at the Dr's at 9:30. She INSISTS that we take a picture outside by the sign because she thinks that this is THE month! I was so embarrassed! I have cookies with me because my doctor (as crazy as it may sound) is a very close friend of the family. If I bring his staff cookies, he'll do the IUI free of charge. He is a GREAT doctor. I am VERY lucky. So, to make this a little shorter - I had a very strange cycle. I didn't really get my period, and he thought I should do a pregnancy test just in case! check. I'd already done that! (of course) So we went on to do the actual IUI and he said that my Uterus was tilted back, so he took some "thing" and MOVED it into the correct position!! OUCH!! Then he again had to open my cervix - OUCH- and put in the catheter and inject the swimmers. That part wasn't bad. It was the moving my uterus thing and opening my cervix that hurt. It really burned, and was like someone was stabbing me. I now know EXACTLY where my uterus is in my body. It took twice as long as my previous IUI, which I didn't bleed at all then. This time it's like "hello period". I felt really crampy in my stomach and basically came home a watched QVC for hours. I don't buy anything, lol. I just liked to watch Mally do everyones makeup. I was a little restless, but I was afraid to move... I WANT IT TO WORK! The Dr. said he wanted to be more aggressive with this IUI because the first one didn't work, and he just wants to be as proactive as possible. Oh yeah - something very cool - is that I got to see the sperm after it was cleaned in the microscope. He wanted to show me they were in fact fast and healthy, and plenty. :) That was awesome! I went home and was like "Honey!!! My MOM got to see your sperm!!!", uhhhh yeah - he was a little uncomfortable with that, lol. It was very cool for my Mom and I though! So now it's back to the two week wait. I can test on August 1st, but the Dr. said it may not show up until the 5th on a pregnancy test. I can't wait until the 5th - so I'm sure I'll test all five days!! :) Our fingers our crossed!!

Baby Bella

So - I had my IUI this morning and it was VERY different than last time. I'll let you know all about it tomorrow when I'm feeling a little better. For now - Here's a pic of me and baby Bella... This was today - the first time I've ever seen her in person. She's even more beautiful, and much smaller in real life!

Thanks Kara!

Thanks Kara!

Greatttt weekend ~ Stressful week

This past weekend was fantastic! My best friend Kim gave birth to her beautiful baby girl! (I haven't met the baby yet - and it's killing me!) She had a very long labor - but a healthy perfect little baby named Isabella Marie. She sent me pictures of when she was first born, and of her the next morning. She is unbelievably cute - long hair - nice and tan. I've seen a lot of babies come out looking squished and have a funny shaped head - not Isabella. She had a perfect shape, and I love her to death already. Kim has been my BF since we were in Kindergarten, we aren't related technically. She called me Aunt Tiff - and I started bawlllling!! :) I was so happy to hear her say that - I never would mention it or ask before hand, of course. My husband looked at me like I was ridiculous because I was crying looking at this new baby that wasn't mine. It was emotional because we are trying so hard and it just isn't happening. I have not once been jealous of Kim, I think because I am SO close to her. I have been a little hasty towards some others who have recently conceived however. I don't "mean" to be nasty or anything - and maybe I don't show it to their faces, but inside I do feel jealous or irritated I guess, because it's so easy for others. Most of them weren't trying. I know eight people who are pregnant. REAALLLLY? Do I NEEED to know EIGHT people!?? Ugh. Really ticks me off.

This week has been getting a little hard for me. I have to schedule an IUI (intrauterine insemination) this week. It's so complicated to plan - because of course the timing has to be just perfect. Last time I did an IUI the Dr. said to make the appointment for cycle day 14, so I did. It didn't work obviously. So this time he said to do my Ovulation Predictor Kit test (OPK), and when they "start" to get darker like they are going to be positive soon - the I should call to make an appointment the following day. Now how STRESSFUL is THAT!? I need to figure out with work when I'll need the day off - and my husband has to plan too - HELLO - he's kinda important in this. Last time, he went with me, I was nervous and anxious and all kinds of emotions. I didn't know what to expect, and what it would feel like - or afterwards how I'd feel. He totally didn't want to be there - but I guess he felt obligated, or he wanted to be there to support me, but didn't want to "actually" be there. Hard to explain. The Dr. said to my husband - why don't you come over here and hold her hand..... he didn't. I looked at him with my eyes - like, ok come hold my hand, I shouldn't have to tell you, he still didn't! I was really irritated inside. I mean I'm the one with the doctor sticking this big long catheter thing into my uterus, and YOU can't HOLD MY HAND! come on! ugggh. Well, afterwards he went off to work and my mother came over for emotional support. So this time - I'm kinda thinking maybe he should just drop off his "sample" and go to work. Not to be mean - or exclude him, but we both know he doesn't want to be there. I know he loves me and wants to be supportive and all that, but wouldn't it be less stressful for both of us... My mom and I have a good relationship - and she says she's feeling extra optimistic this cycle. She really wants to go and be with me. She says she think the mother/daughter connection/vibes will help. Huh? Whatever that means. lol. I don't know. I let my husband know about the appointment, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I think he's in a meeting and will probably wait until he gets home to talk about it.... ahhhhhh. (breathe) ...... I'll let you know what happens and how everything goes tomorrow. Appointment is at 9:30 a.m.

Having a goooood weekend?

I just wanted to drop by and say hello. I have so much to tell you, what an overwhelming weekend it was. My very best friend Kim gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! I have so much to say about it, and I'll write you all a longggg post about it on Monday! (the weekend is hard for me to get on here). Can't wait to tell you all everything!!
Have a GREAT rest of you're weekend!

Handmade with Love ...

I've needed a hobby, obviously. My hobby should be the GYM, but it isn't. I was in a good rhythm going with my best friend Kim, but SHE got pregnant. I love her for it though, because we probably wouldn't have started trying if it wasn't for her getting the ball rolling. Thanks Kim :) Anyhow - she got pregnant, so she can't exactly go to the gym anymore, and well - I'm a loner. lol. really. I hate doing anything alone. My point is - I may have found something I really enjoy..? I used to be so artsy and crafty, always dabbling in everything. Photography, painting, cooking, anything to get the creativity trapped inside, out. Well, I just started scrapping, and making cards.... I don't even know really how it started - I think I saw some amazing things online about it - I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Eventually when figure all this blog stuff out - I'll post a link. Anyone - feel free to tell me how! lol. Well, I've made two cards this past week, and I thought I'd post them here. One was for my Mom for her birthday - she LOVES handmade things. The other was for my Noni, a thank you card. I kinda like them. It was enjoyable, and it really got my head away from ttc, and my negative thinking on that... here they are. enjoy!

Let's get you caught up...

The short easy version...
So.. we've been ttc for 8 months. It's been a little rough - but it could definitely be worse. About four months into trying, my Doctor had me do some lab work. Apparently, I don't ovulate properly and it makes it nearly impossible for me to conceive on my own. SO - I'd been taking the medicine Clomid for the last three months to help me ovulate, and to line up my hormones (did I mention this medicine makes you CRAZY). The Doctor thought it would be best to use IUI (intro-uterine insemination) the fourth month into the meds, because I was having a side effect that we needed to bypass. We did the IUI, and it didn't work either. We decided to take a vacation with family - and leave all meds at home - relax, and just enjoy the time away. There was a hope inside of me, thinking maybe, maybe this would do it. Maybe this was my month, maybe my body will just work.... No luck. Here come the new "cycle". Here we are now - Cyle 8. Eight months in - and Seven pregnant friends around me to watch their bellies and families grow... This month I have to double my Crazy pills, (I'll just call them that from now on, lol) and then go back in for my 2nd IUI around the middle of my cycle. We'll follow up on day 21 with lab work to check my progesterone levels.... and this is were we are now.

(continued from top.) so... I need an outlet to keep myself together... Some days are like cake - and it's the furthest thing from my mind. Other days (like today) it's harder. Maybe this will be a good way for me to "get it out", without cying in front of my husband, maybe I can help others in the same boat as me, or maybe this will just be a good story. I hope :) I want to write about EVERYTHING, the whole life journey... the good, the bad, and the ugly. About all my Momma Hopes.....