Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Greatttt weekend ~ Stressful week

This past weekend was fantastic! My best friend Kim gave birth to her beautiful baby girl! (I haven't met the baby yet - and it's killing me!) She had a very long labor - but a healthy perfect little baby named Isabella Marie. She sent me pictures of when she was first born, and of her the next morning. She is unbelievably cute - long hair - nice and tan. I've seen a lot of babies come out looking squished and have a funny shaped head - not Isabella. She had a perfect shape, and I love her to death already. Kim has been my BF since we were in Kindergarten, we aren't related technically. She called me Aunt Tiff - and I started bawlllling!! :) I was so happy to hear her say that - I never would mention it or ask before hand, of course. My husband looked at me like I was ridiculous because I was crying looking at this new baby that wasn't mine. It was emotional because we are trying so hard and it just isn't happening. I have not once been jealous of Kim, I think because I am SO close to her. I have been a little hasty towards some others who have recently conceived however. I don't "mean" to be nasty or anything - and maybe I don't show it to their faces, but inside I do feel jealous or irritated I guess, because it's so easy for others. Most of them weren't trying. I know eight people who are pregnant. REAALLLLY? Do I NEEED to know EIGHT people!?? Ugh. Really ticks me off.

This week has been getting a little hard for me. I have to schedule an IUI (intrauterine insemination) this week. It's so complicated to plan - because of course the timing has to be just perfect. Last time I did an IUI the Dr. said to make the appointment for cycle day 14, so I did. It didn't work obviously. So this time he said to do my Ovulation Predictor Kit test (OPK), and when they "start" to get darker like they are going to be positive soon - the I should call to make an appointment the following day. Now how STRESSFUL is THAT!? I need to figure out with work when I'll need the day off - and my husband has to plan too - HELLO - he's kinda important in this. Last time, he went with me, I was nervous and anxious and all kinds of emotions. I didn't know what to expect, and what it would feel like - or afterwards how I'd feel. He totally didn't want to be there - but I guess he felt obligated, or he wanted to be there to support me, but didn't want to "actually" be there. Hard to explain. The Dr. said to my husband - why don't you come over here and hold her hand..... he didn't. I looked at him with my eyes - like, ok come hold my hand, I shouldn't have to tell you, he still didn't! I was really irritated inside. I mean I'm the one with the doctor sticking this big long catheter thing into my uterus, and YOU can't HOLD MY HAND! come on! ugggh. Well, afterwards he went off to work and my mother came over for emotional support. So this time - I'm kinda thinking maybe he should just drop off his "sample" and go to work. Not to be mean - or exclude him, but we both know he doesn't want to be there. I know he loves me and wants to be supportive and all that, but wouldn't it be less stressful for both of us... My mom and I have a good relationship - and she says she's feeling extra optimistic this cycle. She really wants to go and be with me. She says she think the mother/daughter connection/vibes will help. Huh? Whatever that means. lol. I don't know. I let my husband know about the appointment, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I think he's in a meeting and will probably wait until he gets home to talk about it.... ahhhhhh. (breathe) ...... I'll let you know what happens and how everything goes tomorrow. Appointment is at 9:30 a.m.

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