Momma Hopes

The most Beautiful Day!

2010-11-15T09:38:00.000-05:00

Brady's First Swing!

Andrew!

Daddy & Brady

So we have taken Brady to the park a few different times. He's never been mobile though - so basically it's just laying in the grass watching Dad and Andrew play soccer. This time, he got to go in the swing and down the slide!! (with help of course) He loved it!!! It was adorable. The day was perfect! It was nice and cool and breezy. The whole place is shaded with tons of Oak trees. It was great! :o) Andrew and Dad played soccer and threw the football. A friend of mine also came with her daughter, who is 3 months apart from Brady. Everyone had a blast! Of course I took pictures. :o) If anyone knows a good program to edit and play with photos, that doesn't cost an arm and a leg - please let me know!

Life Pyramid

2010-11-11T13:42:00.001-05:00

If you drew a "life" pyramid, and filled in the blanks....what would go where? Have you thought about this?

marriage

children ext.family

health career respect material things

Do you put your husband and your marriage before all things? or maybe your career is more important...?

I ask this question because I am having a really difficult time. I am very lucky - and fortunate, that my husband is a successful business owner. I was able to stop working for almost 9 months, to care for my son when he was born. (a dream) I appreciate that. I savor that time I had with my son. However, I am questioning if your work and career should be so important that it takes away from your marriage, and family. My husband has a difficult time with this. What order should things go? Should there BE order? My husband is a NEWlywed. A NEW business owner. A NEW father. A NEW homeowner.... A new everything. I am a "new" most of those things... I understand that work is important. Income is extremely necessary. He has to "support" the family. Make sure we are bringing in enough, and that he is taking care of us. Let me add - I do work as well. I work in the home and I can't call it a career by any means. I'm home with the kids, and I have an income that's less than half of his, but it is something - and it isn't "given" to me. I have stressful days working, as does he. He seems to make light of "my life". I know I don't own a business - nor do I aspire to. The problem is - in his little pyramid drawing - (in my head) it's career, kids, ext.family, marriage somewhere down here... This is a problem for me. It is our job as parents to take care of our children, but how can we take care of our children if we aren't taking care of "us" first? This is a very personal entry to me.... I am very emotional about this. I can't even "get into it all here". It goes so deep. I am really hurting inside... and I don't know where to go from here... Our family per say, is well taken care of. Our marriage....not so much. I'm really falling apart inside.... He's actually said he's not close to me. He's told me he "knows I'm fed up with him".... I don't know what to change. He doesn't know what to change. It's just sad, and nothing is well... He told me I should go "talk to somebody". Ummmm hello? How about "us" talking to someone....? That will never happen. I do plan on talking to my doctor again, who has already tried two prescriptions of antidepressants with me. He'd told me awhile ago about having post partum. I understand that - however - I cannot blame that, or say that's all it is. It completely isn't. .....and my apologies for a downer of a post.

What happens when you leave Dad in charge?

2010-11-05T13:27:00.001-04:00

So Justin was cleaning out his side of the closet - and I needed him to watch Brady so I could cook dinner. When I went in there to check on "the boys" ...where was Brady? "up there, of course" he said. Brady was up on the TOP shelf of the closet!! Oh my gosh! I couldn't believe he did that. It was convenient I suppose. He can continue what he's doing - and "watch" Brady. lol. I had to run and get the camera!

I guess nothing really could have happened - Justin was right there. He was being careful. :o)

After all - Brady was really enjoying it!!

So Many Firsts...

2010-11-05T09:29:00.001-04:00

Ohhh the firsts.... Brady had his first tiny little tooth pop through. In the middle, on the bottom. He'd been drooling and chewing up a storm, but not fussy. Then, Sunday the 10th, there it was! A little white cloud of a tooth! The very next morning -ha- tooth number two!!! Hello cute little toothy smile!!
On the 11th, the same day that 2nd little cloud popped in, Brady said his first word. Clearly. "Dad." ON his Dads 30th Birthday! What are the odds of that!? "Dadadadadad..." and "OkayOkayOkay guyyyss". He added the "guys" once - haven't heard it again since. ohhhhhh the firsts!
Brady also had his first pumpkin festival recently. He grabbed a little tiny pumpkin to take home to play with, and chew on with his new teeth. He also has a bigger pumpkin, that we are going to let him play in. We'll cut the lid off and let him go to town in goop. I'm pretty excited about that!! He loved the pumpkin patch - he liked the hay. He wanted to eat everything! It was so great! All of his first holidays are right around the corner!! yaya!

Meet Brady James

2010-11-05T09:24:00.001-04:00

My Momma Hopes journey started with my hopes of being a Mom. After much TTC, with infertility and a few nudges here and there from the best Dr. in the world, I am happy to share that Brady James Wallis, was born on April 9th 2010 at 5:17 p.m. He weighed in at 7 lbs 6 ounces. He is a healthy, handsome little flirt.

Sooo excited to be back!

2010-10-21T07:24:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile since I'd been blogging. I am loving getting back into this again! It was such an outlet for me... something very much needed. I'm excited to back on here blogging again - about life as a new Mom. I feel like I'm sort of a different person now. A little confused, and trying to find myself as a mother... I look forward to sharing the joys of my new baby boy with you.... :o)

I've been Missing You!!

2010-10-20T11:19:00.006-04:00

Hello Everyone!!
I know it's been so long!!
My first momma hopes journey is over - in a sense - My first pregnancy journey is done - Baby Brady James Wallis was born April 9th, 2010. He is so healthy and beautiful! He just turned 6 months old! I've gotten into a new Mom groove! Please join me here - for my "new" family photos, news, funny stories, random updates, etc - that I will tend to MUCH more frequent than I had been before. I've had a bit of a struggle these past 6 months with my new son... post-partum depression, my husband (who I was questioning why I married for awhile) ... I have so much to tell you!! :) It's good people!! :)

You all gave me so much support - even just a few people really helped me keep my head up when I was TTC. I am lucky to have a few faithful followers.... Here's a little hint for you: We are trying to concieve AGAIN!!!! Here we go again - another ride for you! Here's to knowing what to expect with my infertility problems - and keeping myself prepared for the journey to come. Thank you ladies. <3

almost 1/2 way through

2009-11-19T09:45:00.002-05:00

So I'm almost half way through the pregnancy. Amazing how fast it goes, and slow at the same time. He's the most recent belly picture. :) I have my next Ultrasound appointment next Wednesday. :) It's supposed to be the "big" one, where they tell you the sex, (except we already know) and measure all of the organs, and heart etc. It's supposed to be an hour long - so we are REALLY looking forward to it. My Dad has been seeming a little jealous that my Mom has been to an ultrasound - lol. So he's coming to the "big one". It should be really fun!! I'll update you, and let you know all about it! ;)

Sweet Sixteen

2009-10-30T13:39:00.002-04:00

Here's a new baby bump picture! I'm sixteen weeks today! Everything is going great and I feel wonderful. We just ordered the baby's crib bedding, and room stuff. It's called Monkey Time, and it is so adorable. There are so many monkey things out there that are ugly - but this one isn't ugly! It's perfect!!!! :) <3 I'll post a pic when we get it in the mail! :)

BABY BRADY!!! It's a BOY!!

2009-10-23T16:10:00.004-04:00

We had to go in this morning for an emergency ultrasound because of pain. The tech measured everything from the baby's head, kidneys, heart, and even leg bones! I said if you can point out kidneys etc, than you can tell if it's a boy or girl!!! She said only if your husband wants to know? UMMM YEAHHHH - HE DOES! So she told us!! She cropped and zooomed in all close - and it is DEFINITELY a BOYYY!!!! :) Yay!!

Hello Baby Bump!

2009-10-22T10:01:00.002-04:00

Hi Everybody!
So, this past Friday... I felt my first baby "flutter". I'm only 14 1/2 weeks, and people were telling me I was crazy! Well - I talked to my Doctor and he CONFIRMED, that YES, I did feel a "baby flutter"!!!! Yay! How exciting right?!?!!?! :) I felt another one yesterday, that was much stronger. It's just awesome! Also - another fun thing - is that on Sunday I woke up, and touched my belly as I always do... and OMG there was a bump! I mean REALLY a BUMP! It was like a perfect grapefruit sitting up on the side of my belly! I was kind of startled and sort of jumped with surprise - my husband woke up and felt it right away! It was a "wow - it's real" moment! :) awww. Monday - I have a real bump, and the Momma that brings me her son to care for everyday actually commented!! Yaya! It's noticeable people! That means I'm not just chunky - I'm really cookin' a baby! Here are my first Bump Pictures! :)

13 weeks 4 days !!

2009-10-15T11:04:00.003-04:00

Hello everyone, I'm sorry I'm not posting as often as I'd like to. For anyone who doesn't know, my Nephew (8) has moved in with us. It has been quite a rocky transition, but I have to say it's going as well as it could be. It's a big change for us, and we have been very busy with that. :) He / we have a lot of new things to get used to.
I had my 13wk appointment yesterday. It went wonderful! We had another ultrasound, it was AMAZING! The baby was moving, and flipping over, and sooo energetic. We could actually see fingers, and eyes/nose, everything! He/she was sucking it's thumb already, how cute! The Dr said "it's definitely Justin's baby, because it has super longggg legs and a really BIG head!" OMG I was laughing so hard, because that is SOOO my husband! Haha! I'm not sure how to get the ultrasound pics on the computer, if anyone knows how please comment and let me know. I'd love to share them with you! Here are the pictures that my Mom took yesterday. :) It was her first visit with us, and I think she reallly enjoyed it. The next time we go to the Dr we will get to find out the sex! yaaayyyy!! Grow pee pee GROW!!! (hoping for a boy - but intuition says it's a girl, lol.) either way we will be just ecstatic! This is such an exciting time!

Yesterdays Appointment, ohhhhh What did I do?

2009-10-01T12:52:00.002-04:00

So, Yesterday I had an ultrasound appointment with my Dr. who was not there. He was at the hospital for a delivery, again. (the bad part about OB's, you never know when you'll actually see "them".) SO, the nurse, who's been my nurse for about 7 or 8 years, said she'd do the ulrasound for me, after she rambled on and on about "not being trained as an ultrasound tech, and not know how to do it or evern work the machine". BUT i trusted her. What can happen with some hot gooooop and a wand on your belly? Well, people, she pushed the heck out of my belly. I mean REALLLY. Yeah we saw the baby, everything looked great, much bigger than two weeks ago, and basically awesome. However, I had cramps, and sharp pans all night whenever I moved, or rolled over. Todays not so bad. But I was slightly worried because I've never had pain after an "internal" ultrasound, so having pain with the "external" kind seemed very wrong to me. She said that if you push all over the belly, the baby will kind of run from you and go to the front of the uterus. We wanted to hear a heartbeat, thats why she was being aggresive. As I look back though, maybe I should have said no, and waited for the next appointment with the Dr. BUT she HASSS been my nurse forever and I DOOOO trust her..... uggghhhh I don't know... What do ya'll think about it????

Missing in Action

2009-09-29T10:33:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone,
So sorry I've been missing in action lately...
I am pregnant as ya'll know, and I'm high risk because of multi-factor infertility. I've been gone because I have been so ridiculously sick ever since our anniversary. I had a really low - horrible - worse day ever - (after weeks of vomiting etc.) I was curled up on the couch crying my eyes out, sweating, shaking, soooo crapppy. I hadn't been able to keep anything down at all, not even water. I knew from a previous appt that I'd been LOSING weight, instead of gaining. I was scared, and depressed, and painfully sick. My head hurt so much that I could feel every bone in my face aching. I called my "Mommy" (lol) losing it. She told me it's not normal "morning" sickness and to page my Dr. So I did. He said it's all definitely not normal, and called in a prescription to start ASAP. He said if the medicine didn't make me keep water down right away, then he'd meet me at the hospital for an overnight evaluation and IV fluids. Well, maybe I'm freaking out because of the way I feel - or maybe it's my hormones, but I called my husband crying about the possibility of going to the hospital. Being high risk - I've been so scared of something going wrong. He's so great to me, he stopped everything and came right home with the medicine for me, tucked me in bed, and started making soup to try to eat. The medicine helped, can we say miracle drug? The soup stayed down. My husband crawled in bed with me, and we slept the rest of the day. How sweet of him, right? I've been on the medicine for a few weeks, and it's making all the difference. I am tired and sleeping alot, and I have nauseous periods, but I am keeping food down. I have had a few ultrasounds (before the meds) and everything was looking good. I have an appointment tomorrow at 4:00 and hopefully I will have finally gained weight. Who actually wants to gain weight! lol. I'll be sure to update you, and keep posting now that I'm feeling better. Sorry about the "oh whoa is me". Let's keep it positive from here on out! :)

Our 1st Anniversary

2009-08-17T10:51:00.004-04:00

This weekend was our first wedding anniversary! What a celebratory weekend it was! We spent the night in Orlando's Downtown Disney. We had a beautiful hotel - and we went to the Cirque du Soliel show. It was absolutely amazing! We really had a nice romantic time. My husband wouldn't stop talking about baby stuff. We bought our first "baby thing". Which was a little baby Eeyore, his tail comes off! :) He is soooo soft and cuddly. I had to get it! It was a great time! :) We we got home we got to eat our wedding cake top. It was definitely not like our wedding night - but it was good. It was one of those things that I guess you just have to do, lol. :)

I called and made my first appointment this morning. It's for tomorrow at ten. It's just with the nurse, so it won't be very cool. I guess it's just lots of questions/medical history etc. They also scheduled my first appointment with the Doctor for August 31st. That's when I'll have our first ultrasound done - and hear the heartbeat for the first time!! We are SO looking forward to that! That appointment will be like "ok it's REAL!" We can't wait!!

YAY!! THE DR CALLED!!

2009-08-14T14:54:00.003-04:00

I'm so relieved that the nurse just called me! (and I just got done telling you I had no results) Well, now I do!! I was mistaken because I thought my first beta hcg was 184 - it was 104. I guess I heard her wrong. So it needs to double and be at least 200 to be good. It's 467!! Awesome!! I may have more than one cookin' in there! lol! Oh what a relief, I was so tense and uptight, I just wanted to hear I was fine from someone who "knows". :) Oh I'm so happy you guys. So I can call to get in next week for my first prenatal visit, which is just with a nurse and talking. Then the following week, I can have my first ultrasound with the Dr and hear "a" (or "a few") heartbeat!

Well I'm off for the weekend to celebrate the great news, and my first anniversary with my husband. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!! :) (smiling so big my cheeks hurt!)

Not an Update...

2009-08-14T12:32:00.002-04:00

So let's talk about blood. No, not really. How about blood work? Well, as you know on Tuesday I had my first labs done. My hcg as I mentioned was 184. I just found out that my Progesterone test came back and it's climbed from 8.7 to 78.6!!! Wooo! That's awesome! That means my uterus is getting stronger everyday! Yay! I had to go back yesterday a.m. for a repeat hcg test. The only way to know if your levels are good - is to make sure they are doubling every 48 hours. When I got there, the girl couldn't find my paperwork... hmmmnnn... keep in mind, I asked her id I'd need to bring a lab slip and she said no because the one from Tuesday was for both days. ugh. great. ?? Well, apparently she never found it, because today my Dr. still hasn't received the updated hcg level. ugh. I AM DYING for this number!! It's the only way to know if I'm growing a bean, or not. oh Lets not think about that. I hope I don't have to go do another 2 tests next week. Frankly, I don't know if my arms would stay on or fall off if I had to. Ya see, My arm was still bruised from Tues, when I went on Thurs. She put the needle in the same spot - ouch - but my ARM WOULDN'T BLEED! ?!!?!? She pushed it deeper and was like scooping and digging to get it to bleed. OMG. It didn't. :( She tried to go to my left arm - and couldn't find veins. SO back to the right arm again... she decided to go over a few inched... uh - you aren't supposed to take blood from the SIDE of your ARM - so YES it hurt - and YES I have a ridiculous bruise. (and YES I'm a baby!) lol. :( SO that's my lab update people!! or not ....

1st Beta Test

2009-08-12T10:19:00.002-04:00

So, I had my first Beta Test (hcg) yesterday. My Beta number is 184. The first number really doesn't tell you anything. There is a wide range of numbers that are ok, and I'm in the range. (although all the lower end) I go first thing in the morning for my second Beta test. I should have the number tomorrow night. As long as the number DOUBLES from the first test, then I'm good. Soooo complicated - and I'm really learning a lot. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that my number doubles and everything will be fine.... <3

1st Round of Labs

2009-08-11T08:18:00.002-04:00

SO, I just got home from a very early morning trip to get my first round of labs done. They took two tubes of blood - one for Progesterone, and one for Hcg. The nurse should be calling me tonight to let me know the numbers. Then, on Thursday morning (48hrs) I go back to do repeat tests. I won't really know results or any more information until ALL of those tests are back and we can compare them together. I guess the numbers are supposed to double or triple, so we have to wait until Friday to have ALL the results. It's going to be so hard to wait! It's like TTC is waiting all the time, then when you get a +hpt it's more waiting and waiting.... for the next 9 months it will be a lot of that! I guess I should learn to get used to it!

My New Ticker

2009-08-10T12:07:00.001-04:00

awww - I'm excited about my new ticker .... I can't describe the feeling I have right now - it's like nothig else.... :)I can't wait to go to the doctor! (who says that! lol)

OMG - We're PREGNANT!!

2009-08-10T11:25:00.004-04:00

What?!?!? OMG!!!! Is this really just ONE word on this stick!?!?! no way... (screaming) 7:30 Saturday morning - that's what it was like! I woke up my husband rightttt away - his face was completely blank - and I'm waiving this stick around like a crazy lady! He was kind of slow to react, lol, I think he was in shock. All the things we've done, all the stress, charting, Dr's appts, IUI's, etc. OMG! I'm pregnant! Am I?? Wow - it's totally surreal. I don't think it's "actually" hit me yet. I called my Dr right after I took the test. (sorry) I know it was early and a Saturday - but I couldn't wait! He said I'd need labs today and Wednesday. So I just paged him to get him to fax the lab requests in.... waiting to hear from him. He usually calls back within 15 min. So I'm lucky there. :) Ohhhhh I'm so excited - happy - anxious - scared - worried.... :) I hope everything will be ok. I know I'm high risk because of the low progesterone, but I've been taking supplements for that. So lets think positive and be happy!!! Woooooo!!! I'm ---- I mean WE are PREGNANT!!!!!

The results are in ...

2009-08-03T14:40:00.003-04:00

So, I went in for lab work last Wednesday, to test my Progesterone. The Dr. called me Friday night with my results. He said that my Progesterone levels are very low, especially for already being on Clomid. I had my hopes up high as usual this cycle. My Mom reallly insisted that this was the month. ugh. Well, no - I haven't gotten my period yet, so the world hasn't ended or anything. However, the Dr. did say that me being pregnant with my numbers so low isn't likely. If I am - then I have a HUGE risk for miscarriage. So - basically it was not good news. I started a medicine to get my Progesterone up - so let's super hope that it helps! It was kind of a rough weekend... I'm actaully ready for my period to show so that I can just get onto the next cycle. I'll take both of my meds, and have another IUI this next round. The Dr. said this would be the last IUI (3rd) and then he'll refer me elsewhere when/if need be. He is such a GREAT Dr. I'd hate to switch - but whatever works at this point, right? "Aunt Flo" is due to arrive on Wednesday - I'll keep ya'll posted! ;) Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! :) Talk to you Wednesday!

ohhh Mondays.... :(

2009-07-27T17:43:00.004-04:00

What a day it was....
I don't know what's going on inside of my body. I always get (tmi) period cramps - but this is different. Every since my IUI on Thursday, I've felt some sharp pains in my lower abdomen. It's like ovulation pain but worse, and when I walk or move, or sit down it's intense. I'm supposed to go for lab work on Wednesday morning, and they'll call me with the results on Friday - so if I still feel these when they call me on Friday I guess I'll mention it. I know that the medicine I take (Clomid) can cause cysts, but I'd think the Dr would have seen that when he did the IUI... o-well. On a GOOOD note - I have a bird feeder and I LOVE it!!! I've had it forever and usually only get ugly black crow looking birds. Well - I got different food - and I have these AMAZING bright beautiful green birds! They're like parrots but giant! They are sooo stinkin' loud - but I love watching them, and I hope they keep coming back! Except my dog hates them - she barks like crazy. I think because they are so loud. They don't seem to be bothered by her though :)

The Second IUI

2009-07-24T11:25:00.003-04:00

So, I'm feeling much better today. Let's tell you how the 1st IUI went. It was easy. It was fast, and not SO painful. Basically, he just went in and slightly opened my cervix (because it had closed) and put in the catheter to inject the little spermies. Simple. Done.
The 2nd IUI however, was very different. First of all, the timing and planning of mine and my husbands work around this appointment was so stressful. It has to be timed absolutely perfect. With the economy the way it is, my husbands work is getting a little slower. (He's a contractor) So he couldn't come to this appointment with me. :( My Mom was more then willing to go with me though. She REALLY wanted to be there... She thinks if the mother/daughter vibes are going on, it's like good luck or something. Hey - I'll take all the luck in the world right? So, I had to go drop off the little swimmers at 8:30, they get washed and go through a process for an hour, and my appointment is at 9:30. So, I just go drive around aimlessly for an hour and meet my Mom at the Dr's at 9:30. She INSISTS that we take a picture outside by the sign because she thinks that this is THE month! I was so embarrassed! I have cookies with me because my doctor (as crazy as it may sound) is a very close friend of the family. If I bring his staff cookies, he'll do the IUI free of charge. He is a GREAT doctor. I am VERY lucky. So, to make this a little shorter - I had a very strange cycle. I didn't really get my period, and he thought I should do a pregnancy test just in case! check. I'd already done that! (of course) So we went on to do the actual IUI and he said that my Uterus was tilted back, so he took some "thing" and MOVED it into the correct position!! OUCH!! Then he again had to open my cervix - OUCH- and put in the catheter and inject the swimmers. That part wasn't bad. It was the moving my uterus thing and opening my cervix that hurt. It really burned, and was like someone was stabbing me. I now know EXACTLY where my uterus is in my body. It took twice as long as my previous IUI, which I didn't bleed at all then. This time it's like "hello period". I felt really crampy in my stomach and basically came home a watched QVC for hours. I don't buy anything, lol. I just liked to watch Mally do everyones makeup. I was a little restless, but I was afraid to move... I WANT IT TO WORK! The Dr. said he wanted to be more aggressive with this IUI because the first one didn't work, and he just wants to be as proactive as possible. Oh yeah - something very cool - is that I got to see the sperm after it was cleaned in the microscope. He wanted to show me they were in fact fast and healthy, and plenty. :) That was awesome! I went home and was like "Honey!!! My MOM got to see your sperm!!!", uhhhh yeah - he was a little uncomfortable with that, lol. It was very cool for my Mom and I though! So now it's back to the two week wait. I can test on August 1st, but the Dr. said it may not show up until the 5th on a pregnancy test. I can't wait until the 5th - so I'm sure I'll test all five days!! :) Our fingers our crossed!!

Baby Bella

2009-07-23T16:51:00.002-04:00

So - I had my IUI this morning and it was VERY different than last time. I'll let you know all about it tomorrow when I'm feeling a little better. For now - Here's a pic of me and baby Bella... This was today - the first time I've ever seen her in person. She's even more beautiful, and much smaller in real life!

Thanks Kara!

2009-07-22T15:41:00.000-04:00

Thanks Kara!

Greatttt weekend ~ Stressful week

2009-07-22T10:35:00.004-04:00

This past weekend was fantastic! My best friend Kim gave birth to her beautiful baby girl! (I haven't met the baby yet - and it's killing me!) She had a very long labor - but a healthy perfect little baby named Isabella Marie. She sent me pictures of when she was first born, and of her the next morning. She is unbelievably cute - long hair - nice and tan. I've seen a lot of babies come out looking squished and have a funny shaped head - not Isabella. She had a perfect shape, and I love her to death already. Kim has been my BF since we were in Kindergarten, we aren't related technically. She called me Aunt Tiff - and I started bawlllling!! :) I was so happy to hear her say that - I never would mention it or ask before hand, of course. My husband looked at me like I was ridiculous because I was crying looking at this new baby that wasn't mine. It was emotional because we are trying so hard and it just isn't happening. I have not once been jealous of Kim, I think because I am SO close to her. I have been a little hasty towards some others who have recently conceived however. I don't "mean" to be nasty or anything - and maybe I don't show it to their faces, but inside I do feel jealous or irritated I guess, because it's so easy for others. Most of them weren't trying. I know eight people who are pregnant. REAALLLLY? Do I NEEED to know EIGHT people!?? Ugh. Really ticks me off.

This week has been getting a little hard for me. I have to schedule an IUI (intrauterine insemination) this week. It's so complicated to plan - because of course the timing has to be just perfect. Last time I did an IUI the Dr. said to make the appointment for cycle day 14, so I did. It didn't work obviously. So this time he said to do my Ovulation Predictor Kit test (OPK), and when they "start" to get darker like they are going to be positive soon - the I should call to make an appointment the following day. Now how STRESSFUL is THAT!? I need to figure out with work when I'll need the day off - and my husband has to plan too - HELLO - he's kinda important in this. Last time, he went with me, I was nervous and anxious and all kinds of emotions. I didn't know what to expect, and what it would feel like - or afterwards how I'd feel. He totally didn't want to be there - but I guess he felt obligated, or he wanted to be there to support me, but didn't want to "actually" be there. Hard to explain. The Dr. said to my husband - why don't you come over here and hold her hand..... he didn't. I looked at him with my eyes - like, ok come hold my hand, I shouldn't have to tell you, he still didn't! I was really irritated inside. I mean I'm the one with the doctor sticking this big long catheter thing into my uterus, and YOU can't HOLD MY HAND! come on! ugggh. Well, afterwards he went off to work and my mother came over for emotional support. So this time - I'm kinda thinking maybe he should just drop off his "sample" and go to work. Not to be mean - or exclude him, but we both know he doesn't want to be there. I know he loves me and wants to be supportive and all that, but wouldn't it be less stressful for both of us... My mom and I have a good relationship - and she says she's feeling extra optimistic this cycle. She really wants to go and be with me. She says she think the mother/daughter connection/vibes will help. Huh? Whatever that means. lol. I don't know. I let my husband know about the appointment, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I think he's in a meeting and will probably wait until he gets home to talk about it.... ahhhhhh. (breathe) ...... I'll let you know what happens and how everything goes tomorrow. Appointment is at 9:30 a.m.

Having a goooood weekend?

2009-07-18T20:33:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to drop by and say hello. I have so much to tell you, what an overwhelming weekend it was. My very best friend Kim gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! I have so much to say about it, and I'll write you all a longggg post about it on Monday! (the weekend is hard for me to get on here). Can't wait to tell you all everything!!
Have a GREAT rest of you're weekend!

Handmade with Love ...

2009-07-15T08:17:00.003-04:00

I've needed a hobby, obviously. My hobby should be the GYM, but it isn't. I was in a good rhythm going with my best friend Kim, but SHE got pregnant. I love her for it though, because we probably wouldn't have started trying if it wasn't for her getting the ball rolling. Thanks Kim :) Anyhow - she got pregnant, so she can't exactly go to the gym anymore, and well - I'm a loner. lol. really. I hate doing anything alone. My point is - I may have found something I really enjoy..? I used to be so artsy and crafty, always dabbling in everything. Photography, painting, cooking, anything to get the creativity trapped inside, out. Well, I just started scrapping, and making cards.... I don't even know really how it started - I think I saw some amazing things online about it - I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Eventually when figure all this blog stuff out - I'll post a link. Anyone - feel free to tell me how! lol. Well, I've made two cards this past week, and I thought I'd post them here. One was for my Mom for her birthday - she LOVES handmade things. The other was for my Noni, a thank you card. I kinda like them. It was enjoyable, and it really got my head away from ttc, and my negative thinking on that... here they are. enjoy!

Let's get you caught up...

2009-07-14T15:21:00.003-04:00

The short easy version...
So.. we've been ttc for 8 months. It's been a little rough - but it could definitely be worse. About four months into trying, my Doctor had me do some lab work. Apparently, I don't ovulate properly and it makes it nearly impossible for me to conceive on my own. SO - I'd been taking the medicine Clomid for the last three months to help me ovulate, and to line up my hormones (did I mention this medicine makes you CRAZY). The Doctor thought it would be best to use IUI (intro-uterine insemination) the fourth month into the meds, because I was having a side effect that we needed to bypass. We did the IUI, and it didn't work either. We decided to take a vacation with family - and leave all meds at home - relax, and just enjoy the time away. There was a hope inside of me, thinking maybe, maybe this would do it. Maybe this was my month, maybe my body will just work.... No luck. Here come the new "cycle". Here we are now - Cyle 8. Eight months in - and Seven pregnant friends around me to watch their bellies and families grow... This month I have to double my Crazy pills, (I'll just call them that from now on, lol) and then go back in for my 2nd IUI around the middle of my cycle. We'll follow up on day 21 with lab work to check my progesterone levels.... and this is were we are now.

2009-07-14T11:17:00.005-04:00

(continued from top.) so... I need an outlet to keep myself together... Some days are like cake - and it's the furthest thing from my mind. Other days (like today) it's harder. Maybe this will be a good way for me to "get it out", without cying in front of my husband, maybe I can help others in the same boat as me, or maybe this will just be a good story. I hope :) I want to write about EVERYTHING, the whole life journey... the good, the bad, and the ugly. About all my Momma Hopes.....